to have and to hold

it doesn't take much to make me realize who i need in my life. brief encounters, witty comments, and long glances confirm my relationships. i forget to remind myself where all my relationships started but i've found that most start with something simple. saying what you mean, showing that you care, laughing at each others jokes.

in regards to love, i beg to differ with anyone suggests that love comes with time. i think love always exists. its limitless. the complexity to which we love reacts among the triggers of our needs. for me passion, consistency, friendship and communication. passion so often is partnered with romance however, in each relationship passion is presented by vulnerabilities by each self to share. i've loved when my girlfriends share their trials and tribulations through tears streaming down their face. those are the moments i feel love. when i can stare into another's eyes in silence, i can feel love. words aren't love. words can't suffice to what love is.


love is leaving.
love is returning.
love is.


recently, i read "bloom" by: kelle hampton. in it she says:


"once it's just not you anymore....we'll you automatically carry around, for the rest of your life, an increased likelihood of having your heart broken. And it's a constant fear that we struggle to put to rest. We can choose to be afraid or we can choose to live. And I choose to live. Because an increased likelihood of having your heart broken also carries with it an increased likelihood of finding yourself the happiest you've ever been in life."


i love taking risks. mixing up a combination of activities. making my life way busier than it should be. testing how far i can go. proving people wrong. 


but my heart...


my heart plays it safe. she lets some people in. she knows who will bring heartache. usually she gets it right and i don't have to risk much. however, she has yet to differentiate between those who will inevitably be apart of my life and love me something fierce, but carry with them the potential to break my heart.


as kelle would say: "I choose to live."


moment by moment. second by second. breath by breath.


how else can you get through life alive?


as one of my favorite presidents would say "the only thing we have to fear is fear itself."
as one of my childhood role models mrs. frizzle would say: "take chances, make mistakes, get messy."


is the fear of striking out permitting from playing this marvelous game?


i choose to live.


with the chance i may have to revisit heartbroken sobs.
with the mentality that moments are the essence of my existence. 
with the potential to love without limits.
with the realization that no day is promised.
with an open heart and open arms.
with the strength to keep going. 
ignoring the thought in the back in my mind chanting "people always leave".
ignoring time and it's overstayed welcome that brings doubt in my mind.
life is too short to worry.


i choose to live.