my thoughts on fire

in high school my quote for myself (c'mon, we all had them) was "the heart may freeze or it can burn", from "another day", a song in the musical "rent".

i came to the mentality that my passion would be approached head on, burning so everyone could see; because if i did nothing with it, surely, i would freeze into nothing. i loved with intention and because of that my choices had purpose, guiding me to my next goal or thought, and i'd strive to reach my dreams.

i was an ambitious little one in high school. i lacked to connect with my class as a whole, which made me an outsider. not in a nerdy or weirdo way was i an outsider, in fact i was friends with everyone. i just knew something was missing and i didn't rely on my high school experience to give it to me. my fire burned for me because i knew eventually, i would get to a place where it needed to me. until then i occupied myself with whatever activity i could, met lots of unique people, got to know my community and took advantage of experiences i knew i wouldn't be able to have again.

i fear fire. i am now at that place where i have found a sense of belonging. my relationships are long and lasting. my work is thoughtful and passionate. why am i doubting my fire?

breaking it down as much as a i can; i think of the best days at the beach watching the bonfire burn.

it starts with foundation, logs, kindling, paper.

light a match and watch it burn.

colors of yellow, orange, red and blue shine from the flames.

the more logs, the higher it burns, 

we let the fire burn until it dims low and add more fuel to the fire to it until we see the beautiful colors again.

you could let a fire burn forever but realistically, the flames dimmer into little sparks into the dark of night.

the mysterious fire is gone.

let behind is soot. the foundation is burnt to its core. 

we cover whats left with sand and water and let the fire die.

metaphor time.

i'm scared. freaking scared of loosing my fire, my passion. 

i've build a comfortable foundation or dreams, people and places that have kept me comfortable.

come june, what will i be? where will you be?

i burn bright for creativity.

i burn bright for spontaneity. 

i burn bright for laughter.

you remind me to stay in the moment. using my own words against me when i stray away from my motto.

i can't help to think about all of these remarkable moments leading to ash and dust.

now my new song motto from the Boss himself:  "you can't start a fire without a spark"

nothing big happens without a moment of realization, a small idea, that essentially you can't take your mind off of.

i can't get my mind off of you.

(of course you would call after i type that)

without sounding completely naive, my heart needs the spark of another to make something happen.

consistently, you are that person.

with that you carry the potential to set my heart on fire or watch it burn to nothing. 

what shape will my heart be in when we leave this town?

i long and despise to know that answer.

fearlessly, now i must carry on with an abundance of fire, letting it burn bright.

for even if it were to leave, i imagine there would still be a spark.